Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Get the Real Church Key and Have Some Class!!

Church Key Bottle Opener

Now we have all had the issue from time to time where we realized that our ice cold beer was not a screw top but in actuality, a pop top.  This I am sure happened to a lot of New Orleans Modern Drunkards in April of 2009 when the Abita Brewery Changed from their easy to open screw tops to the PRY-OFF CROWN, which they declared would "ensure that discerning Abita Beer drinkers will taste the full range of flavor in every bottle" as they declared a War on Oxygen!! (Press Release: NEW PRY-OFF CROWN KEEPS ABITA BEER FRESHER)

Now there are countless horrible methods to deal with the problem at hand. 

We have all seen the intense cigarrette smoker offering his services in exchange for the freedom to smoke around his friends.  To justify his habit, you watch him struggling for hours with a lighter.  This can take precious time from our beverage drinking, not to mention can ruin a perfectly good cheap piece of crap lighter and prevent our hero from smoking packs of menthol all over your crawfish boil.

 Then there is always that goofy looking college prep who is the perfect doppelganger of Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  This knucklehead is more than happy to assist in opening your frosty light mexican beer with his flip flops.  As he takes the section of the bottle where you are about to put your mouth, he lackadaisically hooks it in right next to the wad of gum and fragrant residue of Bourbon street that he collected earlier.  Ironically this is the same guy who won't eat any foods tainted with chemicals yet he pollutes our beer with scum of the streets.  Our Saviour!! 

And then there is always your Teeth??  Although there may be something truly animalistic and savage about this method...the New Orleans Modern Drunkards strongly recommends that you DO NOT open bottles with your teeth! You will chip your teeth! Many molars have been  rounded off from being chipped by beer caps.

Not to mention, many a dumbass friend went to open a beer with his teeth and ended up swallowing the bottle cap and having to be rushed to the emergency room. So you don't end up with a $2,800 medical bill for being an idiot.

So how does a New Orleans Modern Drunkard handle this situation?  Well, we finally got the keys to the church.  That's right, SuckUK has made a beautiful Church Key Bottle Opener that not only takes care of the situation of a freeing your frosty beverage, but does it in a safe, socially acceptible, and classic method..

According to SuckUK, the Church Key Bottle Opener is the coolest bottle opener you could hang from your key chain! Made from tough nickel steel. This key shape bottle opener will impress and bemuse everywhere you go. Ships in an attractive gift pack. The key measures approximately 3 in x 1 in.

So how do you obtain the Church Key Bottle Opener from SuckUK, well you have two options:

1) You can pick up one here

2) You can conveniently get one for $10.00 + tax at 2026 Magazine Street at locally owned & operated Aidan Gill For Men

Remember, friends don't let friends open beer in a douchbag manner! 

So do you have one of these great skeleton key bottle openers?  What do you think about it?  Leave us comments below on this or other ways you open your favorite beer!!

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